I’ve slowly been getting ready to leave DC over the last few months, and as my scheduled move date draws closer, I can’t help but get nostalgic. Maybe this place isn’t so bad, I find myself thinking as I get closer to the day I’ve had marked on my calendar as “Quitting Day” for the last three months. Maybe I don’t HATE my job – what if it was just a few hard months?
This phenomena is beautifully captured in a scene from How I Met Your Mother (aka my FAVORITE show of all time) when Marshall decides he wants to quit GNB. He hates his job, the work he has to do, and everyone he works with, but when it’s time to quit, he feels as if he’s almost sad to leave.
But the point is, you can’t trust graduation goggles.
I’ve been fantasizing about quitting my job and counting down the days and even the hours I have left in the office for literally months now, but I’m suddenly anxious about quitting. What if I’m making a mistake?
This is a huge move for me, both personally and career-wise. I’m taking an enormous leap of faith by leaving my comfortable, decently-paying, stable 9-to-5 office job to trust in myself that I can, in a few short months, pick up the skills I need to support myself on the road. My goal is to be able to sustain myself and get back on the road by July, which is going to be a huge undertaking.
And sure, the idea that I have no idea what’s in store for me even 4-5 months from now is terrifying. I don’t know where I’m going to sleep every night. I don’t even know which continent I’ll be on, and I definitely don’t know who I’ll be wandering around the unknown with.
And then there’s the possibility that I could fail. If I can’t find remote work, I won’t be able to live out my dream of traveling indefinitely, and I’ll end up having to take another boring office job to support myself.
But the thing that scares me the most is the possibility that if I don’t take the leap, I could look back on my life 3, 5, 10 years from now and realize that I’m still in the same exact place, doing the exact same job. I don’t want to look back on my life when I’m 25, or 30, and realize that I never did any of the things I wanted to do because I was afraid.
Before I left for Thailand last fall, whenever I told people I was taking off for 10 days to explore a new country, I was met with comments like, “wow, I wish I could still do something like that, just pick up and go whenever I wanted.” And maybe some of that was coming from people who had settled down and had families, which makes travel understandably much more difficult. But some of it wasn’t, and that really stuck with me.
These are not my people. I don’t fit here, into this 9-to-5 office mold. I tried really hard for a year, but I just do not care about banks.
This is something that I have to do. I have to keep moving forward. Onward, along my own path.
Hanna (Bubu Backpacks)
P.S. To follow my adventures in real time, follow me on Instagram and Twitter @bubu_backpacks